Brittany sent Michael a message on February 15th, the day after he invited me to the wedding. She asked him if he was interested in me in any way, as my "advice-giving friend". He said that he thought I was beautiful, and that he did like me. He's just worried about rushing into important decisions.
She told me about this just a few weeks ago. It's been so nice, to know that he really does like me. I'm not just some stupid girl with a silly crush.
He went to Chicago for two weeks with his grandparents recently. It was hard, not seeing him for so long. But we exchanged emails and talked online some.
When he got back, we arranged to meet in front of the library. I was so excited to see him. And when he sat down and we started talking, I had a few heart palpitations. I can't believe that- seeing him gave me heart palpitations. Goodness. He told me a bit about his trip. He said that the trip seemed to have gotten him "out of a few ruts", but refused to elaborate. We walked around for a bit, and then said goodbye.
So I don't think he's going to Chicago- he hasn't even mentioned that as an option lately. But he's mostly deciding whither to continue life as usual and look for a job, or do what he's wanted to do for a while now- give up all his possessions and be a vagrant for a while. I'm afraid of both. If he chooses the former, I don't think he'll get out of this mindset, this indecisiveness. But if he chooses the latter, how long will it take for him to be done? How long must a man wander until he finds whatever he's looking for?
On top of this, thing's aren't right with my family. My mom dislikes my recent changes, especially those related to faith. I don't know how to go about fixing it. And I'm worried about school and grades and the mcat. I wish I felt called to become something easier. But I shouldn't be so lazy and ungrateful.
Every now and then, I wonder at how lucky I am. I have Michael. I have him. No matter what happens, this wonderful person cares about me.
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