Iris Victoria and Cadence Aletheia

I hope I have two daughters.

Phoenix

I met someone new.

I'll call him Mr. Mellow, because he looks like Jack Johnson.

Anyways, I met him on when a group of friends and I went to Cracker Barrel, and a friend introduced us. I meant to sort of ignore him, because I know that one of my friends likes him, and I didn't want to intervene. But he kept talking to me! Several times, he notified the waiter when my drink was empty, he offered to hold my box, he asked me to ride back with him (in someone else's car), and then the next morning, he facebook-friended me. It sounds so insignificant here, but it was exciting.

And just now he commented on my facebook status.

That made me so happy. Such a small thing. This may not (and probably will not) turn in to anything, but for right now, it's exciting.

The Truth is a whisper and only a choice.

I just discovered my new freedom.

I hated Nietzsche. He destroyed all logic, burned all the bridges on my path of self-discovery. I found I must make a huge leap of faith, to get anywhere. And I hated it. Nietzsche told me that God is dead. That truth may not exist. That it doesn't exist, in a way, because we can't even know if it exists. I hated this, because I simply cannot live without truth. Without knowing that someday, I will know the truth. Otherwise, I would die (literally and figuratively, in every aspect of the word).

But today, I had an epiphany. I am free. I am free, because God is dead.

I don't have to listen to anyone anymore! I have created my own absolute, or rather, my absolute reached out to me. I don't have to feel guilty for not feeling the same way as other "Christians". I am not a Christian. I have converted. I am an agnostic, who believes in God, because I believe that God reached out to me, God touched me, with music and beauty. I suffer from significant doubt. But I also believe that Jesus is the Son of God, because God showed me this. I believe that God wants me to live like Jesus did.

So, some may call me a Christian. But I am not. Not anymore.


I am free.

I'm okay.

I just spent two hours just talking with the agnostic and the friendly girl (whom he loves). And it was fine. Overall.

There were moments when I saw the way he looks at her, his dangerous clear eyes filled with admiration. And it bothered me.

At times, I thought of how I loved him, and how he loves her, and how he'll never think of me in her presence. And it bothered me.

And every now and then, I felt the awkward tension brewing as they had their "us" moments. The moments so prevalent among the early stages of a teenage relationship. And it bothered me.

But overall, these evanescent thoughts got lost in the midst of an intriguing conversation with two very intelligent and interesting people. And I think I'm okay.