But seek first the Kingdom of God

I talked to him last Sunday. I can't believe it's been a week. It was easy to lead into the question, because a woman assumed we were dating earlier, and people at Aletheia bothered us about dating as well. I just asked him how I should respond. At first, he was very vague and confusing. He sort of hinted around at it... and eventually I forced him into a corner. He's not interested. A few things I want to remember him saying... "I just want to be as good a friend to people as they'll let me." "I used to never let myself have close friends that were girls... Holly is probably the first I've had." "I'm just not in the right place for dating right now." "I'm horrible at this relationship stuff. Even with Priscilla, it was just recognizing what had happened."

Monday was horrible. Tuesday was a little better. And the long weekend home, focusing on other things helped. It still hurts a little. But the weird thing is, I haven't lost him. I still have him as a close friend. Nothing has really changed, at least from his perspective.

I've been feeling hopeful the past few days. I pray that the hope is warranted.

"are you guys dating?"

This past weekend, Florida Philosophical Association Conference. Sydney, Bianca, Danny, Alex, Michael and I went. It was really fun, and there were quite a few really interesting presentations. But that's recorded in my other journal. This is where I'll post the silly girly things that happened. Saturday night, Michael and I went downstairs in the hotel to read for a bit, and we ended up talking for a few hours, per usual. Then Sunday, all of us went to the mall on one of the breaks. Danny and Alex went to a restaurant. Sydney and Bianca went shopping together. And Michael and I wandered around together. We went to FYE at one point, looking through cds. Then we were talking to a guy who worked there about the movie New Moon. And the guy asked Michael, "Is she gonna drag you to go see this?" Like we were dating.

That night, when we got home, Michael and I went to Panera. When I got there, he was talking to a homeless woman. It's so beautiful, how he does those things. I sat down and talked with them for a while. She was really nice. It made me feel pretty guilty for all the things I have. At one point, she asked me, "Do you live in the apartments over there with him?" Like we live together. Then Michael and I talked for a while, and didn't get any studying done.

Sunday morning, I went to church with Andrew and Michael. We had a good conversation on the way back. I love that we can be so silent together. Later, at JFN, we went to Aletheia church on campus. It was interesting- very different from church that morning, very youth-oriented. After Aletheia, we went to the church leader's house to hang out. We spent most of the time talking with Daniel. When Michael got up to get something to eat, Daniel asked me if we were dating. I said no, but that it was a really good question, that I have no idea what's going on. Then, when we were talking to our friend Camille, he flat out asked, in front of both of us, "Are you guys dating?" And I just responded, "oh... umm... no." How was I supposed to respond to that?! I need to know. I've got to talk to him.

Words like violence break the silence

He is so incredible. So caring. So thoughtful. So interesting. So handsome.

I need to talk to him, so I can start getting over him if I need to.