I only have one more week here. And I won't see Mike again until next fall. That's four months. Life will be on hold for four months. It's going to be so boring.
This year has been so amazing. I've never met so many interesting people, had so many vital conversations, or learned so much.
Wednesday night, Navigators again. I walked back with Mike again. Nothing spectacular. But I'm really sad that this will be on hold for so long. Instead of the usual sermon, different people took the mic to share what they had learned that year, in terms of faith. Mike went up, told us how he learned that he needs to include God in his plans... like when he tries to share the gospel with his roommate. I could tell how much he loves his roommate. Eventually, I decided to go up as well, even though I was sure no one could care less as to what I had to say. But I did. I told everyone that I've learned that I really suck. That although I usually take care of things all by myself, I learned that I really do need other people, and God. Because sometimes I have questions that I can't answer myself. I thanked John for being so helpful.
Thursday night was so strange. It was the last day of Existentialism, the last day of class with my favorite Philosophy teacher. But he invited the class out to Dunderbak's. So I went. A little before I had to leave, I ended up talking to my teacher. I told him that I play violin, and he said that he decided at 16 that although he loved the violin, he never wanted to play it. And we talked about how we envision these alternate lives for ourselves. He envisioned himself a carpenter, building boats, or as a pianist. And I would love to be a concert violinist, or a philosopher. But we chose our paths, and it's only our perfectionist tendencies that cause us pain. Because we don't want to just pursue multiple goals without perfection. All or nothing. I will miss him so much. He complimented me on my paper as well. He said it was very well written, easy to understand, very clear. I wish I could have talked to him longer.
That night John also got drunk. It was really quite disheartening- to see this person I respect so much resemble my father so much. My father, who I detest. My father, who I have no respect for. So I drove John home. As I fell asleep last night, I thought of how badly he represented the Christian faith, especially with our teacher there. I think Ben could find faith. But how does he think of John, now? I thought of how that might have set him back in finding God. And then I was filled with this rush of love for Ben. I think that was God, showing me how much he loves Ben. It's overwhelming. I want him to find faith.
And earlier today, I was feeling very pessimistic, because I slept through my biology exam this morning. But all these wonderful songs kept popping up on my zune. And then, as I was listening to Clair de Lune, I felt like the veil of sin was lifted, for a moment. I saw how utterly beautiful everything is, I felt such love for everything and everyone. God is in the rain.
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